A Hairy Situation

I hate my hair. I really do. I like to have it looking nice every day, but not in a vain "I'm so beautiful" kind of way. It's really more of a "I don't want small children pointing and laughing" kind of way. It never seems to do what I want it to do and I have no patience with that. If I get it to do something I really like, it doesn't last, but if I get to look terrible, it lasts all day. Why is that?

Part of the problem comes from the fact that I have what I call "Christmas Tree Hair". What that means is that if I let my hair dry naturally it will be flat at the top and progressively poofier (is that a word?) toward the ends, forming a triangle, or Christmas Tree effect. Festive? Perhaps, but attractive? Absolutely not.

I'll never be one of those women you see at the beach who can shake out their wet hair and look stunning. Once, when we were on vacation, I had pulled part of my hair back in a rubber band before we went swimming in the hotel pool. I thought it would keep it a little bit neater while it was wet and after it dried. As we were leaving the pool area, I noticed that I got an odd look from another family who were entering. It wasn't until we got back up to the room that I realized my bangs were standing straight up in the air. Along with the huge semi-circles of black mascara under my eyes, I looked like an escaped mental patient.

I'm not good with trendy styles, either. The super straight look that was so popular doesn't work for me at all. I tried it after I got a straightening iron and it made my face look too big for my head. When parting your hair with a zig zag or crooked part was all the rage, I tried that too, but my OCD would take over and I'd have to make the part straight again. The only celebrity hairstyle I ever pulled off was the Dorothy Hamill bob when I was in the fourth grade. Looking at old pictures, I now see that it made me look like a boy, so I guess that wasn't all that successful either.

For the last few years, I've been pulling the sides of my hair back in a clip (remember Sarah Palin's hair during the election? sort of like that, although I was sporting that look before she was). It still takes a blow dryer, two different brushes and several styling products to make it look decent that way. If I hold the blow dryer in one place too long, I'll get an extra poofy spot in my hair that looks like a bump or tumor when I pull it back in the clip. Other times, I only get a poofy spot on the very top and I look like Zippy the Pinhead.

I've been thinking about making a change and getting some layers in my hair, but I want a very stylish, professional look. Does anyone have a Flowbee I can borrow?

If it works for the people on the box, it's got to work for me, right?