Friday, July 3, 2009

You're Always Welcome

Of course you are, friends and family are always welcome to stop by for a visit, a drink or a meal. If you've never been here before, here are a few things you should know before your drop in.
  1. You will be expected to make yourself at home. We'll be glad to get you something to drink, but don't be shy about going into the refrigerator yourself.
  2. Dinner is almost never on time. If we tell you we'll be eating at 6:00, it will probably be closer to 6:30 or 7:00. I don't know why, it just tends to work out that way.
  3. If you don't like the food that's being served, you won't be expected to eat it. We don't believe in punishing adults or children by making them eat foods they don't like around here. If we know that you're coming for dinner, we'll try to make something you like.
  4. Expect to participate in ridiculous games and conversations during your visit. Last night we enjoyed a lively game of "How much would someone have to pay you to ....." during dinner. Favorite topics included licking a toilet and taking a nap in a drawer at the morgue.
  5. If you don't know where the bathroom is, just ask. If you wander around opening doors, you're likely to find the coat closet and basement before you find the bathroom.
  6. You won't find anything scandalous in the medicine cabinet, but we won't think any less of you if you can't resist the urge to open it up and have a look, anyway. However, there is always the possibility that we've filled it with marbles that will come crashing out when you open the door.

There is one more item to add to the list, but first, I have to tell you the story behind it. Once, when I was a teenager, a friend of mine came over with her boyfriend. We were sitting in the living room talking when he asked where the bathroom was. I pointed it out and he went in and closed the door. He was in there for a loooooooooooooong time, something like 30 or 40 minutes. I went into the kitchen and told my mom about it. She was concerned that she may not have replaced the roll of toilet paper in that bathroom (there was none in the vanity cabinet, either). We debated, should we knock on the door and ask if he needed toilet paper? Before we could decide, he came out of the bathroom. They stayed a little while longer and then left. He never said anything about the toilet paper, so we didn't ask. After they were gone, my mom and I checked the bathroom and found the roll was indeed empty and her fancy fingertip towels were missing. I kid you, not! Which brings us to item number 7. If you find the toilet paper roll in my bathroom is empty, please tell me and I will replace it. I like my towels!

So, please feel free to drop by if you're in the neighborhood. We'd love to have you!

I'll be back later to open the bar. See you then!


Tattoos and Teething Rings said...

Haha, that's a great list! Your story reminds me of when I used to clean houses in college- one of the families had a messy son who used to use washcloths to clean up his behind, and then he would leave them in the bathtub! I always refused to touch them, I would just clean around them!

Purple Flowers said...

Your story is a riot. I'm laughing as I type this. Have a great Independence Day, and I'll come back for the opening of the bar! :)

L.B. said...

Awesome stuff. I might just have to take you up on your offer to hang out at the Willoughby pad.

I'm curious, how high did the bidding get on the toilet licking? I think I'd rather nap with the dead than lick some porcelain.

Willoughby said...

Tattoos - I think your story is even grosser than mine! At least I never saw the towels after they had been used! I'm pretty sure my mom wouldn't have wanted them back.

Purple Flowers - Glad you enjoyed today's post! I'm not sure what we'll be serving up at the bar tonight, but do come back and check it out!

L.B. - Come on by anytime! As for the bidding, I said I wouldn't lick a toilet for any amount of money and my daughter agreed, but my son and my husband would both do it for a million dollars.

As for the morgue, prices differed depending on whether you had to share the drawer with a body or not. If there was no body, my husband said he'd climb in for a free beer. My son said ten bucks. My daughter said no way no matter how much. Me? At least a hundred. With a body, prices ranged from $100,000 (my son) to a million (me).

Katie said...

I agree with everything on the list and the marbles falling out of the medicine cabinet made me giggle. Thanks for that!!

5thsister said...

What a great post! Thanks for the laugh!

Joanna Jenkins said...

I stopped by your blog because I grew up in a town called Willoughby and had to say hello. I'm so glad I found you! your blog is terrific and this post is hysterical :-)

Nice to meet you. I'll be back again soon!

Gracey said...

Great post! I would so like to come visit your place - it sounds so relaxing, easy going and fun. Ewwww about the towel story, though, LOL! :p

As for the morgue thing, you wouldn't have to pay me for such a challenge. I would do it for free! But I would of course consider payment as an added benefit.

I know I am weird beyond any recognition, but after all I chose to become a pathologist, so weird is a necessary qualification for my job!

PurpleHoodieChick said...

Haha. I love this! They are all true! But you forgot to mention if you come over often don't ask or you will get yelled

Willoughby said...

Katie - Glad you enjoyed the marble trick! I've never done it, but it would be really funny!

5th - Your welcome!

Joanna - Welcome! I'm glad you stopped by, hope to see you back again soon!

Gracey - Your comment made me laugh! I forgot that you're a little more familiar with the morgue than the rest of us!

Purple Hoodie Chick - You're right, I do yell at you for asking if you can have something to eat. You're supposed to make yourself at home and eat what you want when you're here. I'll say it again, you don't have to ask!!!!