- You will be expected to make yourself at home. We'll be glad to get you something to drink, but don't be shy about going into the refrigerator yourself.
- Dinner is almost never on time. If we tell you we'll be eating at 6:00, it will probably be closer to 6:30 or 7:00. I don't know why, it just tends to work out that way.
- If you don't like the food that's being served, you won't be expected to eat it. We don't believe in punishing adults or children by making them eat foods they don't like around here. If we know that you're coming for dinner, we'll try to make something you like.
- Expect to participate in ridiculous games and conversations during your visit. Last night we enjoyed a lively game of "How much would someone have to pay you to ....." during dinner. Favorite topics included licking a toilet and taking a nap in a drawer at the morgue.
- If you don't know where the bathroom is, just ask. If you wander around opening doors, you're likely to find the coat closet and basement before you find the bathroom.
- You won't find anything scandalous in the medicine cabinet, but we won't think any less of you if you can't resist the urge to open it up and have a look, anyway. However, there is always the possibility that we've filled it with marbles that will come crashing out when you open the door.
There is one more item to add to the list, but first, I have to tell you the story behind it. Once, when I was a teenager, a friend of mine came over with her boyfriend. We were sitting in the living room talking when he asked where the bathroom was. I pointed it out and he went in and closed the door. He was in there for a loooooooooooooong time, something like 30 or 40 minutes. I went into the kitchen and told my mom about it. She was concerned that she may not have replaced the roll of toilet paper in that bathroom (there was none in the vanity cabinet, either). We debated, should we knock on the door and ask if he needed toilet paper? Before we could decide, he came out of the bathroom. They stayed a little while longer and then left. He never said anything about the toilet paper, so we didn't ask. After they were gone, my mom and I checked the bathroom and found the roll was indeed empty and her fancy fingertip towels were missing. I kid you, not! Which brings us to item number 7. If you find the toilet paper roll in my bathroom is empty, please tell me and I will replace it. I like my towels!
So, please feel free to drop by if you're in the neighborhood. We'd love to have you!
I'll be back later to open the bar. See you then!