You Can't Do That

It's been a while since I've shared a stupid story with you. I have so many that's it's hard to choose, but I think something food related would be a good one for today.

This happened a little more than 16 years ago and I was pregnant with my son at the time. My parents took Mr. Willoughby and I out to dinner at a buffet style restaurant. This was toward the end of my pregnancy so I was pretty big and standing or walking for any length of time was incredibly tiring.

I went up to the buffet and put some side dishes on my plate, but when I got to the meats, the fish was gone. I wasn't interested in any other meat, I just wanted some fish so I went back to the table and sat down. A few minutes later a server was refilling some of the bins in the meat area so I went to check and see if the fish had been replenished. It hadn't so I sat back down. Again, we saw someone come out with bins of food, so my husband asked if I would like him to get me some fish. I said no, I'd do it myself. I went back to the meat area to find there was still no fish so I asked the guy who was at the carving station if they were going to bring any more out. He said yes, it should only be a minute if I wanted to wait. So that's what I did.

I was standing next to the empty fish bin waiting when a man came up behind me. I told him I was waiting for the fish and he could go around me. For some reason he seemed angry at this. He told me I had to move on and that waiting wasn't allowed. Again, I told him he could go around me, I was going to wait. This angered him to the point that he started to complain about me to other customers who were getting their food. "She's holding up the line. There's no fish but she's going to wait and hold up the line." Say what? I told him twice he could go around me. It got kind of ugly from there, and we were having a pretty heated argument. I may have even pushed up the sleeves on my maternity sweater. Other people around the buffet hurried back to their tables and away from us; the short bald man and pregnant woman who were arguing about fish.

Before we came to blows (I'm sure I could have taken him), a server brought out a full bin of fish. For just a moment I considered taking not just a few pieces, but the entire bin and heading back to my table. I could even see myself reaching past the sneeze guard, prying the pan out of the steam table and running (waddling) through the restaurant while laughing maniacally. If I hadn't thought it would be too hot for me to lift I probably would have. Instead, I took a few pieces and went back to my table. My husband and my parents hadn't even noticed what had been going on. While I was telling them about it, the man returned to his table on the other side of the dining room. He was obviously telling his family what had taken place because he was pointing at me. My husband was ready to go ask the guy to step outside, but I didn't want him to. I was all hopped up on watered down Coke, soggy steam table vegetables and 8 months worth of pregnancy hormones. I could take care of this guy myself.

I unwedged myself from the table and waddled over to his table. "I hope you choke on your food!" I said. He was speechless. I think I made my point. Oh, and the fish? It was okay, but I've had better.